I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
