yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
