I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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