Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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