oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
