New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize