You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
