I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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