we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
