i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
