she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
