i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
