Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
