Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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