It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize