im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Let's paint friendship bongs
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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