If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
