I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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