i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
