i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
