Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
