so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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