Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site