No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.