But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's allergic to latex.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...