FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome