I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub