Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come