Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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