honey bunches of taint.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
