the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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