I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
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I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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