I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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