living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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