walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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