I think I am morally bankrupt
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
