So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My ATM looks so different sober.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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