whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
