just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
