Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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