I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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