Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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