I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
