is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
