I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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