I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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