First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
what food is Colorado known for?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila