wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.