Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.