Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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