it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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