I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize