The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
