it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
