My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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