I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
