Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize