Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
