You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize