no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
and she was petting her beer can
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
