I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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