We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
