Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
