Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
