I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
