I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
