We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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