I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
